Expectancy
by knightkitten
Summary: Sometimes expecting gets you no where. Other times, it gets you everywhere. It’s just a matter of fitting. Yaoi, Fluff, KaiRei. Oneshot.


Title: Expectancy

Author: knightkitten  
Rating: PG-13/T  
Genre: Romance/ Fluff  
Summary: Sometimes expecting gets you no where. Other times, it gets you everywhere. It's just a matter of fitting.

There were times when life was so overwhelmingly bleak. Times when the weight in his chest pushed so hard, that tears were forced down his cheeks. There was no logical reason, nothing to possibly explain the sudden urge, only the sweet release of pressure that only came with sobbing his heart out into a pillow. He hated the dark weight that shadowed him on these occasions. It brought with it such a horrible self-doubt that he thought it would never leave him. But every time, the weight lifted and with it came a surging hope for tomorrow.

As the years went on, the weight came and went with decreasing frequency and length, yet each time, there was more to doubt. As he gained, so did the doubt find more prey to its blackness. Blading, team, friends and further still into the future, looks. Would someone ever find him attractive, and hold him and love him. As he grew older, dating came into the equation, if life wasn't complicated enough already. The whole process was tiring and pressuring and it was filled with protocol, decorum, rules and expectancies. This first became apparent with Tyson.

No one had expected them to get together. It had always been Tyson and Max people put their bets on but date they did just the same. Tyson was ever so sweet, taking him on dates: the movies, restaurants, amusement parks and such and with it came that ever present doubt. Was he supposed to hold Tyson's hand, was he supposed to lean into Tyson's side, was he supposed to move into Tyson's lips? Soon, this whole process fell into place, as analytically as a computer program, and it seemed for a time that the worrying was for nothing.

But holding hands was bothersome. His bag would slip and he'd need his arm to pull it up again, and their palms would get sweaty and annoying. And leaning into Tyson's side was uncomfortable. He'd have to stay still so as not to shift and possibly annoy the bluenette (not that Tyson would ever scold him for it). Tyson's side would pock at him and his neck would hurt from having to bend it just that little to fit under Tyson's arm. And kissing was awkward. A gnashing of teeth and tongue, that wasn't painful, but not pleasing either. Inevitably, Tyson and he didn't work out.

A whole string of relationships passed in much the same fashion. The uncomfortable snuggling, the uncomfortable (and often embarrassing) hand-holding, the uncomfortable kissing. I never went any further than that before he would call it off. After that, dating was temporarily abandoned and that dark weight settled again. It smirked at him, mocking him for thinking he could escape.

And then something remarkable happened. Kai Hiwatari sailed into his bedroom, as cool as a cucumber, and asked if Rei wanted to see a concert with him. It never came to him to question why Kai was asking him or what band they were seeing. It just seemed the natural thing to say yes. He was further amazed when awkward silence to follow, nor an abrupt departure. Kai just sat down and began to read and there was no pressure or expectancy. Just the two of them.

The concert was equally easy. It seemed natural that Kai hold him to his side, where Rei fit perfectly under his arm, where his head was comfortably nestled into Kai's under arm. Holding hands wasn't a problem either. Kai preferred to keep Rei at this side and when they did hold hands, Kai would take his bag and hold his palm like it were silk, constantly playing with Rei's ring or fingers, running long smooth digits along.

And as for kissing, well wasn't that another story entirely. Rei had always heard that the first kiss was supposed to happen on the third date. Theirs didn't happen until two weeks after the first. And when it did, boy was it worth the wait. It was all lips and tongue and absolutely no teeth and ever so sweet, soft and perfect. Kai held him close and made him feel so small and wanton, that Rei felt he was the most desirable person in the world. And, to Kai, he was.

As far as expectancy went, Tyson and Max did hook up and Rei could tell that Max fit perfectly in Tyson's arms and that Tyson's lips were just as soft as Kai's, to Max. But also, as far as expectancy went, no one expected Kai and Rei would last.

Rei supposed it helped, that neither did they. Every kiss was their last, every caress fleeting, and every word precious. All their lives they expected that they wouldn't last, never realizing that they had.

There is no question we found the missing pieces  
Our picture is complete  
It's fallen into place


End file.
